How Do You Spell That?

Especially for these two crackheads.

Thomas said she could not remember when she had last fed the baby because "she was messed up on crack" and tired, the report said. It said the couple admitted smoking about $500 worth of crack cocaine over three days.

As a parent of (soon to be) two adopted children who were exposed to crack and meth, these two turds should be lined up and have their various reproductive organs sliced and diced. My wife and I could never have kids of our own, and these two asshats fucking kill theirs while they are on a three day bender.

I'll put it to everyone, what do you think would be a good punishment for these two?

Posted by Brian at 4:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

"Jeff, I know you are happy to be back in the NFL, but can't you wait until you get into the locker room?"

Posted by Brian at 3:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Some asshat used my car this weekend for target practice, casuing somewhere in the range of $2k worth of damage. Of course no one saw/heard anything including myself; so now I'm faced with the lovely task of paying my $500 deductible and watching my insurance company raise my rates.

What really ticks me off as an adult would have meant nothing to me as a kid. I can remember as a kid bumping into a car with my bike causing a scratch, looking around to see if anyone saw me, then riding like hell outta there to avoid getting caught.

While this isn't a form of Instant Karma, I guess I'm finally atoning for that scratch from 1982.

Posted by Brian at 3:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

To all dogs out there:

No matter how tempting it is, the item shown above is NOT edible. Trust me from experience.

Posted by Brian at 2:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Blue Jays buy Sky Dome for $30 Million (C)

In other news, millions of American dig through their pocket change wondering aloud what the exchange rate for the Canadian Dollar is today. ;-)

Posted by Brian at 10:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Unless the man has found God or had a personality transplant; the Bears have made another "season-ending" blunder by signing the ever popular Jeff George to the team. Thankfully, the Bears signed George to a one year contract, which menas there is the possibility that we won't have to deal with him for long.

Another thing to be thankful for is the age of this Bears team (very young). Most, if not all of these guys have never played with Jeff, so they only know what they hear from other teams instead of first hand experience.

For those of you who don't remember Jeff George, he was the number one draft pick in 1990 from the University of Illinois. While in Champaign, most of my friends who played Illini football came to the same conclusions that the league has found out over the past decade; the man is an incurable, arrogant prick.

I don't know if he will make things better for the team this year. He will only have five weeks to learn the offense, so it is unlikely that he will be the major impact player that we need. This should also tell Jonathan Quinn that his days with this organization as a player are definitely numbered.

Posted by Brian at 7:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I sincerely hope Jerry Angelo is looking to trade for a reliable quarterback in the near future; because the rookie circus just came to a screeching halt today in Dallas. I don't think we ever made it past the Dallas 30 yard line today, what does that tell our defense which has tried to keep us in every game.

Ugh, another losing season awaits unless we can pull off a miracle. I'm thinking Chad Hutchison starts in three weeks.

Posted by Brian at 7:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

My love for various shipping companies has no bounds. But at this point, I will have to say I've never had to deal with such ineptitude as what I've seen at DHL.

Ordered a hard drive for a friend's notebook. No big deal, got a good deal from Dell for a Toshiba 40GB and decided to pay for the overnight shipping. Here's where the fun begins.

First, the item is backordered. OK, no big deal, Dell is telling me they will have it in a couple of days. About a week later I get the e-mail telling me it has shipped and I should receive it the next day.

Fast Forward to Monday. Shipment was supposed to arrive Friday AM. Call DHL and they say they goofed, but it should deliver Monday AM. Call Dell for refund on shipping and everything is great.

Monday afternoon, still no DHL and call into the office to see if the driver got lost. Nope, in fact it's not going to be delivered today. In fact, they don't know where it is. Apparently the package left California and disappeared into the ether. OK, start a search and call Dell to tell them DHL lost the package. Nice lady at Dell offers to ship replacement overnight, I tell her let's wait for DHL to find it.

Yesterday morning, DHL calls back and says they found the package in Salt Lake City and will have it to me this morning. Call Dell, tell them to note my account that DHL found it and that I mght be calling back if there are major problems with it.

So this morning, I jump on DHL's website and this is the only thing I see....

11/22/04 10 : 10 pm Departing origin. Salt Lake City, UT

Nothing about "Out for Delivery" or even "Arrived in Fort Wayne". Nope, just that its on it's way out of Salt Lake. Call DHL, who then inform me the package was misrouted once again onto a DHL ground trnasport and that I should receive the package on Monday. Apparently, the last CSR had accidentally put "ground" instead of "first AM" on the new shipping label and it was now taking the slow Yugo to Indiana.

I don't know whether to laugh, cry, or bitch about this. I'm thankful this wasn't a "critical" part that I was waiting for, but after talking to Dell it sounds like this is DHL's modus operandi.

Posted by Brian at 9:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

#10. Open an air charter service specifically serving former presidents you don’t like.
#9. New Book - “How I didn’t being in my 15% - My life and the 2004 Election�
#8. Star in remake of Six Degrees of Seperation.
#7. “Dan Rather and his Water Skiing Squirrels!�
#6. New Community College Class “Microsoft Word 2000 - Tips and Tricks�
#5. Beat 60 Minutes at their own game by offering pointless commentary at the end of every “Dateline NBC".
#4. Tour Guide - Clinton Library.
#3. Finally finish that book of common metaphors with Yogi Berra.
#2. Wax Museum Stand-In
#1. United Nations Chief Document Inspector

Posted by Brian at 12:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

As you know, one of my favorite targets is none other than David Terrell of the Bears who seems to do more bitching than catching. Anyhow, while reading through the Bears atrocious expected loss to the Colts brought out this gem.

David Terrell caught three passes for 76 yards and showed the athleticism he wants to be known for on two grabs. Terrell uncharacteristically gave one-sentence answers afterward and implied the organization had put the unpredictable wide receiver under a gag order.

"I'm not trying to say too much of nothing right now," Terrell said.

Did somebody with the Bears tell him to watch what he said?

"I want to be in Chicago next year," Terrell said.

Does that mean yes?

"I am going to do what I've got to do to be in Chicago next year," he said.

I would have love to have heard that conversation between Terrell, Angelo, and Lovie Smith last week. It would have been epic.

David, keep playing games like this and show us that you want to be a part of a team; I guarantee I will support you....

Posted by Brian at 11:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today David Stern suspended Ron Artest for the rest of the year; essentially screwing the Pacers from any post season run.

I personally do not agree with the suspension. While Artest should be suspended for running into the stands, I do believe that Artest was provoked by the fan who threw the drink at him.

Here's where I draw a parallel to it. If someone in my office came up to me after a discussion and threw a drink in my face; that is considered assault. Now you can sit there and say he wasn't in any danger from it, but in the end, it is assault. The asshat fan who was jumping up and down going "I hit him, I hit him.....oh sh*t" fucking deserved to get his ass whipped; along with the guy who came running up to Artest on the court in what can only be considered a threatning manner.

Unfortunately for the commissioner, I think he will lose in arbitration. The two precedents that I can see (a previous fight with fans and Rodman's kick of a cameraman) were only 10-12 game suspensions.

But in the end, it completely sucks what happened. I honestly lay a good chunk of the blame on Wallace for that stupid hit on Artest which started the whole thing. I do think that NBA fans are going to start seeing some sort of seperation from players, whether that's a screen around the bench or the removal of the first row of seats around the arena. Mr. Nicholson can kiss his courtside seats goodbye.

Posted by Brian at 9:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

To Derek who upgraded me to MT 3.11 last night. Talk about a major difference in performance and spam killing. :-)

Posted by Brian at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I hope this #$!*&^@# gets himself suspended from the team.

For those of you wondering wondering, I cannot stand David Terrell. He reminds me of another "Terrell" who I think is a complete cancer for another team which is doing well at this point.

Posted by Brian at 2:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Derek told me today he's been wearing a rather interesting button lately.

Now, since I live in Jesusland, most people would lump me into the "Redneck" group. While I do own a Jeff Foxworthy DVD, my aversion to hunting, fishing, outdoor sports, and my general pasty complexion would show that I'm not your typical Hoosier resident. But for a number of people, it's pretty damn easy to lump all of us "Bible-Bangers" into one category. Instead of disliking several groups, it's just one big group of evil people forcing their views onto the unenlightened masses....

But when people ask Christian Conservatives about GWB's policies, you will find they aren't quite too happy with his choices. But again, that's beside the point. Anyone who votes for GWB wants prayer in schools, forced church attendence, and a policy of subverting anything and anyone who would offend Jerry Falwell.

But I've got to get back to Betty. What's actually hilarious is the shop that sells these buttons and how much money they make. My friends in Cover Story have been selling items through Cafe Press for a few months and while it isn't a huge moneymaker, it can be depending on your volume of sales. My guess is that judging from the number of choices on the site; Betty is doing quite well.

But to be honest, I don't have a problem with the site (they even poke fun at themselves to a point). Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion, no matter how misguided or stupid they look. I wish Betty the best of luck in her business and look forward to when she has to switch things around next election when the Red/Blue colors switch again and make everything she's sold somewhat invalid.

Hey Derek, would you mind throwing that button in the mail in about 3 1/2 years so I can use it as well? :-)

Posted by Brian at 3:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I've always been a big Wilco fan, and reading this interview in Wired only makes me respect him even more as a musician.

WN: How do you feel about efforts to control how music flows through the online world with digital rights management technologies?

Tweedy: A piece of art is not a loaf of bread. When someone steals a loaf of bread from the store, that's it. The loaf of bread is gone. When someone downloads a piece of music, it's just data until the listener puts that music back together with their own ears, their mind, their subjective experience. How they perceive your work changes your work.

Treating your audience like thieves is absurd. Anyone who chooses to listen to our music becomes a collaborator.

People who look at music as commerce don't understand that. They are talking about pieces of plastic they want to sell, packages of intellectual property.

I'm not interested in selling pieces of plastic.

When Derek and I started Metallicasucks.com, this was the crux of our argument. When someone downloads a song, they are not stealing from someone. The idea of brokering information such as software and music is a very gray area, but it's up to the industry to evolve with technology, not fight it.

If this is something that matters to you, there is also news out there about the RIAA pushing the new and improved Intellectual Property Protection Act which will roll back "fair use" rights for everyone in order to protect the industry's interests.

Posted by Brian at 10:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Urlacher out for four to six weeks. Not good.

Posted by Brian at 4:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today I get a friendly reminder from my mortgage company that they have not received my current month's payment. This is starting to be a trend since last month they didn't receie my payment because silly old me didn't know that the account number printed on the statement was not really my loan's account number.

So, I get the notice this month and think "they lost it again". Call the bank and after a maze of options, I get a hold of the department and ask them what happened. Well, it looks like their notice and my payment must have crossed in the mail since they had it and everything was OK. But that's not the story.

Me: Well, I paid it 11/3, and you guys got it 11/12. I don't think the USPS is that slow.

Clueless CSR: Where did you mail it from.

Me: It's through my bank's Checkfree service, it gets mailed from Virginia I think.

Clueless CSR: Where are they mailing it to?

Me: (recites address on statement)

Clueless CSR: OK, that's not right.

Me: Umm, it's the address on the statement. It's also right below the sentence "Mail Payments To:".

Clueless CSR: Yeah, but it's not right. Here's the address.

Me: OK, let me get this straight. The account number on the statement is invalid, but you route it to the right place. Now the address you print is invalid as well.

Clueless CSR: Yes, is there anything else I can help you with.

Me: Oh I don't know, maybe a bank that doesn't have as f*cked up billing systems like you do.

Honestly, how frigging difficult is it to put the right address on the statement. Silly me for putting that as the mailing address for Checkfree...

Posted by Brian at 1:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Oh hell, just bad everything day for this woman...
"Man, Red Sonja's really let herself go...

Posted by Brian at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

From Captain's Quarters. During Meet the Press with Tim Russert.

MR. RUSSERT: George Bush have a mandate?

MR. CARVILLE: The only politician in America I know with a mandate is Jim McGreevey, Tim.

MS. MATALIN: Oh, gee.

MR. CARVILLE: No, of course he does. I mean, he's going to...

MR. RUSSERT: Who's running this guy's material, Mary? This...

MS. MATALIN: Oh, I'm not. I'm not getting up anymore.

I always thought the word "mandate" was a bit unusual to use in these times, just like calling something "gay". Oh well...Carville's comment was pretty damn funny.

Posted by Brian at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Massive "Raygun" Fires Up In Megawatt Last Test

In other news, explosions have rocked sixteen different popcorn factories across the nation. Police and federal authorities are investigating.

Posted by Brian at 9:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Had a chance to take the oldest son to see Van Halen tonight. I think it was father-son night tonight at the Coliseum since there were at least three other dads doing the same thing with their sons.

Anyhow, great show. Eddie was stoned/blitzed but did really great except for the 15 minute guitar solo which was a bit long. But at the end, he thanked everyone for listening and I think, was crying tears of joy. He looks like he had an absolute blast in our little town.

While we weren't close enough to get something signed, I'm positive that Andrew had a great time for his first concert. And if you do get a chance, go see these guys. It's defintiely a better show than Metallica. ;-)

Posted by Brian at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

"How do I know John Kerry won the election? Trust me, I know."

Posted by Brian at 1:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Everytime I can't watch the Bears game, they win.

Posted by Brian at 7:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Is it really worth doing this?

NEW YORK — A 25-year-old man from Georgia who was apparently distraught over President Bush's re-election shot and killed himself at ground zero. Andrew Veal (search)'s body was found Saturday morning inside the off-limits site, said Steve Coleman, a spokesman for the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey.

It's obvious this guy had some other issues, but people c'mon, this isn't the end of the world.

Posted by Brian at 2:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Just as long as the Democrats are in power.

From a Democratic perspective, what this country needs is a good recession.

Posted by Brian at 2:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Why? Because officially at 7:00 this morning, the last piece of "good" candy was taken out of the big bowl of Halloween candy my kids had brought home. Now there is only Jawbreakers and pertrified Tootsie Rolls.

I think I now know the pain some of the ABB crowd is going through. :-)

Posted by Brian at 8:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Photoshop Hell.

Posted by Brian at 2:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Honestly, I'm not impressed. Edwards is trying to get ready for 2006. I feel bad for Kerry, but I don't feel that bad. One guy has to lose and this time it was him. His speech was completely underwhelming.

Posted by Brian at 2:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Derek and several people on Talk Left site are convinced this is the end of America as we know it.

I just don't see it. I hear about the horrors of "one party rule" which was true for several years during the Clinton administration. I hear about police asking for "Your Papers Please" but only see it as an significant exception, and most definitely not the rule.

We can sit here and prognosticate about how things are only going to get worse, but the only evidence anyone can show me are 1930's film reels from Germany. The United States has lived under much more draconian laws during times of war, poverty, or political upheaval. We can sit here and bitch about how bad things are going to get or be a part of the process to make sure this doesn't happen.

Want to make sure the evil Republicans don't pass laws that make hunting liberals out of season legal? Let your congressman know. Want to ensure that your right to sunbathe in a thong at the school bus stop? Better show up to city council meetings.

There are so many differences between the currernt administration and Hitler along with many similarities betweek the current adminstration and the Clinton administration. Honestly people, I think you are getting way outta hand.

If you really love this country, and you are convinced that it's going down the tubes; leaving only shows how committed you are to us. Stick around and fight. It's the American way.

Posted by Brian at 12:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

#1. Ditch Terry McAuliffe.
#2. Abandon the loony fringe.
#3. Find centrist candidates and start grooming them for running in 2008 RIGHT NOW.
#4. Lock Hillary in a steamer trunk until 2020.

Posted by Brian at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Let's look at the hard data:

11477 of 11477 precincts - 100 percent

George W. Bush (i) Rep 2,794,346 - 51 percent
John F. Kerry Dem 2,658,125 - 49 percent
Michael Badnarik NP 14,125 - 0 percent
Michael Peroutka NP 11,606 - 0 percent

Bush leads with 136,221 votes.

According to this site, there are only 135,149 provisional ballots outstanding.

That means there is a 1,072 vote difference in favor of Bush if every single one of those ballots was a vote for Kerry.

This election is over. Thank you and good morning.

Posted by Brian at 7:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

When I said November 3rd was going to be hell.....I was right.

Posted by Brian at 6:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I've been watching the results coming in for Florida and Bush has maintained a 3-4 point lead all along, yet nothing has been called yet. Unless there are 300k votes sitting out there, I can't see how Florida wouldn't go Red.

Posted by Brian at 11:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Drudge is already reporting voter fraud in Philly where some 400+ votes were already cast before polls open. I fully predict a day long f*cking siren on his site for voter fraud claims all over the country.

But it's not only that. If this election is close, I guarantee we will see steroid-bootsed version of Florida in 2000. Everything will be challenged from how accessible the polling places were to how the workers acted to other voters in line. How much longer will it be before someone farts in line and a lawsuit is filed claiming they were disenfranchised because of the smell.

No wait, Daschle already did something close to that....

Posted by Brian at 9:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Now how about you?

Only had to wait about ten minutes to vote. Luckily one of my neighbors walked in the same time I did so we had a nice chat while waiting for the old ladies in front of us to vote. It took almost five minutes each to figure out that new fangled push button election gear (which has been in use for the past three elections and hasn't changed since) which required a poll worker to walk over and have them help them press the red button.

As a side note to my fellow Hoosiers, I did not vote for Evan Bayh like I was going to a couple of weeks ago. It did bother me that Evan would not debate his candidate, even though he had everything to lose since he's up by 25 points in various polls. I also have to say his voting record isn't that great on some of the issues that matter to me. I'll know he'll win tonight, but I hope it's a hell of alot closer than he thought it would be which will send him a message (although, I'm sure it will be forgotten by the time the next election rolls around in six years).

Posted by Brian at 9:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Last minute arguments: JoAnne Krieger lets her sign do the talking as she makes her political argument to fellow citizens in St. Paul, Minnesota.

No Mrs. Krieger, this should scare you.

Our future isn't dependent on the respect of rogue nations, it's dependent on our ability to fight terrorism and radical Islam.

Posted by Brian at 10:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Which countries/groups want Kerry to win:

China
Osama Bin Laden
Yassar Arafat
Kim Jong Il

Boys and girls, these aren't the kind of people we want to look up to. This is a group of thugs and dictators who would like nothing more than to revive the appeasement politics of the 1990's by the Clinton Administration (and to a point Bush Sr. as well).

Do yourself and this country a favor; make these guys nervous for another four years.

Posted by Brian at 9:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

(Insert Dr. Evil Voice): Riiiiiiiiiight

Posted by Brian at 9:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)